As some of you know I’ve been taking somewhat of an internet break this week. I have been a little MIA, and loving it. But, not only did I take a break from the internets, but from life in general. Is that even possible? I learned very quickly, no. But, I have still enjoyed myself while remaining productive. And I managed to be stress free for a whole 4 days! It’s a Christmas miracle!

Tour came and went very quickly. It had it’s UP’s and it’s very low DOWN’s. Planning this tour was nothing short of a nightmare from the get go. This being my first tour, I really did not know what to expect. But, I never expected it to be this difficult. Everything that could go wrong, did. We didn’t raise enough money, the venue we were booked at in Philly CLOSED (so we had to cancel), we couldn’t find enough venues in time that were available due to the heavy flow of the holiday party season. Everything seemed to be an issue. How to transport drums, who was going to do what, would we have a place to sleep, or drive through the night in the freezing cold. What originally was something I couldn’t wait for – was now something I couldn’t wait to be over.

The weeks leading up to tour – I had hit my wall. This year has completely pummeled me. And, I had been really good about keep positive, and forging ahead. But, eventually, like all things, it catches up with you. And you cannot run from it. And of course, it had to come to a head a few weeks before tour. I became increasingly depressed, disappointed, and ended up staying in bed, buried under the covers, hiding from the world. I didn’t leave my room unless it was to use the bathroom. I did not eat, I did not shower, I would just lay in bed, and wallow in my darkness. This did not make anything better. And to be honest I knew it wouldn’t. I didn’t care. I wanted to be alone. The only time I left the confines of my room was to practice with the boys. – My sanity (or what little was left) was slowly slipping through the cracks in the floor below my bed. I began to scare myself, and the people around me. I worried I wouldn’t make it to tour.

Friday, December 11, 2009 arrived.
Day #1 of tour: My stomach was in knots.
I was so excited to play with Army of Toys and Jaggery. I couldn’t wait. But, I felt sick, I felt sad, I felt impossible. And it was cutting into my excitement. No matter how hard I tried to shake it (and I did try) the “monster” inside would not let me enjoy this. – We arrived at Tommy’s Tavern in Greenpoint, Brooklyn around 8pm. The venue, or rather the dive bar on the corner had no sign outside. We almost passed it 3 times. Finally, we realized it was indeed the venue, and entered. I was incredibly nervous to be playing with three of the most talented bands I had ever heard. And given my mental state – I wasn’t sure I could pull off the set.

Yula was the first to perform that night. She was incredible. I had never seen her play before, and was absolutely blown away. Especially when she led the entire back room in not one but TWO hebrew prayers over a menorah for Hanukkah. I look forward to playing future shows with her. She was a lot of fun.

After Yula, there was a little break, and then we hit the stage. Opening with the cracked out tune “Folie de Grandeur”. After that we played “Iscariot” which went into “Bellicose Serenade”. We’ve been doing that a lot lately – it sounds epic. And since “Bellicose” is a follow up to “Iscariot” in many ways it seemed fitting.

Here is a badass photo my sister took during “Iscariot.”

We also played “Nigeria” which we had just released last week as our first single off “Delusions of Grandeur”. I normally ask the audience to clap along with Jay during the song, but I completely forgot. I was then shocked to hear everyone in the room start to clap along without my instruction, and it kind of made me melt. If that wasn’t enough, looking out into the room to see so many faces mouthing the words, just about made my night.

Here’s a photo of Rob and I during “Nigeria”. “Jermajesty” the uke making her first public appearance since her makeover.

After “Nigeria” we busted out some Beatles with “Helter Skelter”. “The White Album” is one of my favourite albums of all time. This song was a nice last minute addition to the set. We literally added the song two days before the show. And a nice way to get out some pent up aggression we all had.
You can see the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akrl8J6d7k8

We also played “Jenny Jones”, “Professor Harold Hill”, “Throw Down”, and “You Belong to Me”. And then I introduced a brand new song that I had written only 4 days prior, and forced the boys to learn with little to no time. “Number Nine” made it’s debut. (You’ll see a video of that song later on.) And, to close out the show I busted out my inner MC for Salt ‘n Pepa’s “Shoop”.

The audience was great. And the vibe was cool. – After we finished our set Jaggery hit the stage and blew me away. Mali (singer of Jaggery) has the most incredible vocal range I have ever heard. Her voice breaks my heart (in a good way.) After Jaggery, Army of Toys hit the stage and fucking killed it! As they always do. Walter Sickert apparently announced to the venue that he has a crush on me *giggle* (which I missed! Because I was outside cooling off due to a sudden fever.) Edrie became my new hero, when she not only showed up for tour after knee surgery, but kept on her feet the entire time, working the crowd. AMAZING! I finally got to meet the rest of the toys, who were just lovely.

It wasn’t the most ideal situation for a show – but the talent made up for it BIG TIME.
We headed home around 2am -  because we had to wake up early to head to Boston for our 2nd show of the tour. I crawled into bed around 3:30am – and woke up about 2-3 hours later to start preparing to hit the road.

Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day #2 of tour:
I was extremely nervous for this show. I was going to be out of my element, out of New York, and out of my comfort zone for the first time. I was also playing for an audience who did not know me, or my music. That is always nerve racking. But, I was excited to be playing the infamous Cloud Club (home of ART & ROCK LOVE).

We hit the road around 11am, stopping in Brooklyn to pick up Katrina and Jason. And then we were on the road! The car ride was a lot of fun. Good tunes being played, hilarious conversations, and a lot of really weird road signs. But I can safely say the highlight of our trip was the “Jesus Truck”. Yes, that’s right. JESUS TRUCK!

Here’s a video of that (“Lake of Fire” being played in the background was pure coincidence.): http://www.twitvid.com/31697

After almost running out of gas – we finally made it to Boston around 4:30pm. We drove around for a while, looking at the city through a car window (which made me a little sad.) I would have liked to explore more, but that is the life of the road, I suppose. Lots of passing through, very little time to stop. We attempted to find a place to grab a drink and bite, and stumbled upon a drag bar called “Jacques” or “Jocks”. I think it may have been a play on words. But, it looked like a nifty establishment from the outside. We ended up not going in due to parking issues. We arrived at the Cloud Club around 5:30 and began to load in. Mali was such a gracious host, setting us up in the “rock hotel” and letting us relax after a long trip. We finally had a little down time before the show – so we walked around the south end on a hunt for food. By the time we returned, it was time to set up, and sound check for the Mini-ORG.

At 8pm the show began with readings by some lovely ladies, including MJ DeArmitt.
We hit the stage around 9 – and I was terrified, but so fucking pumped. The vibe in that house is electric. It seemed impossible to be unhappy in that magical place. I hope to return many times. It filled me with such a sense of love and community. I felt very at home there.

We played the same set at the night before (in a slightly different order). And minus the “Helter Skelter”. The audience was great, really supportive, and welcoming. We love you, Boston. It was so great to look out and see some familiar faces in the crowd.

You can see all the videos from that show at:
http://www.youtube.com/jessicaallyn06

Here are two of my personal favorites from the night:

“Number Nine”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXF9EpYjrlc

“Shoop”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdS0ebueuoM

The evening was full of soul baring art. It was beautiful and moving. Edrie of the Army of Toys read a piece that moved me to tears. I felt very close to every performer who read, or sang, or showed whatever art they had. It was incredible. I cannot thank Mali Sastri enough for the opportunity, and for allowing us to be a part of this night. For sharing that world with us. The Cloud Club and everything it stands for reaffirmed my faith in REAL ART. I have always dreamed of being immersed in art, surrounded by a community immersed in art, and I saw it that night. And have never felt so at home (in an unfamiliar place) in all of my life. It was the most incredibly moving, and heart warming experience. My heart and head are so full of love, and thoughts (even now.)

Originally we were planning to crash there that night – but decided to just plow through the night and get home. But not before enjoying ourselves in the party downstairs. It felt so good to just relax, and have fun! I miss it. I’ve been so busy trying to keep my head above water, build this business, and survive it became more of a chore, than something I enjoyed. It was a stressor, not a stress reliever. But that night I had an epic time. I smiled, I laughed, I sang, I met new friends, and reconnected with old ones. Jason even called me on it at one point, when he said “Your mood completely changed the moment we walked through those doors.” He was right. The vibe is so infectious. It’s impossible to not change your mood.

We drove through the night to get back to New York around 5:30am. After dropping off the Brooklynites, Rob and I headed back to Long Island barely able to keep our eyes open. I crawled into bed just as the sun began to come up. And eagerly awaited the next 5-6 days of silence. But could not sleep from all the excitement I just experienced. I was on such a high.

It was an experience I will never forget. When I look back – a year ago this time I was preparing to go see one of my favorite artists in concert for NYE. I was attempting to put out an album, and had no band, and no shows to play. A year later, I performed on that artist’s home turf, have a band, and have a second album on the way. So, when you really think about it – has this year been THAT bad? Yes. And, no. I wouldn’t take back anything that has happened. Because while it has indeed killed me at times, it has also made me a better person, and a stronger one at that. I have come a long way and for that I am so proud.

This tour (though it had it’s faults) has taught me a lot. More than I expected out of two days. And it’s a pretty profound feeling. I thank everyone who was involved, from the other performers, to Team JA. Those who came out to the shows and supported us to those who donated and continue to support us no matter how far away they are. We love you.

This week I have been on what I am calling a “silent retreat”. I had avoid the internet as much as possible, I worked on some music, but mostly I spent time just enjoying the simple joys. A brisk early morning walk, before everyone else is even awake. A cup of chai tea, and a good book. Napping on the deck of a house boat in the sun (even if I was wrapped in about 5 blankets.) I am trying to find my way back. I am still lost, but I am getting closer to the light. Silence can be deafening, but also enlightening. This experience has been both. – I still have a few days left to enjoy it. So I am going to leave you with a few photos from the 12/12 show – and head out for my pre-Sunrise walk.

5 min before our set.

“Bellicose Serenade”

Happy Jason sitting in la rock ‘otel drinking Whiskey, like he does.

giggles & tequila after the show.

All my love. And I wish you and your families a Happy Holiday and New Year!
Maybe 2010 be the better year for us all.

xx